Updated: Aug 30, 2019
It was only three months after I gave my heart to Christ when God whispered a line in my ear. It was an odd line. A creative line. A line I could squeeze 300+ pages out of. And I did. I prayed into the line, stayed up late to build around the line, stressed about the line, until I made a book out of it - the book I was called to write from the very beginning of time. And it was in writing that book where I discovered who I was as a daughter, a writer, and an artist, the girl who I spent my whole life trying to connect with. This book, which was never intended to be published, became more than just a project, but a promise. This was how God introduced His real and honest heart to me. This was how God revealed who I was in Him. And it makes perfect sense to me now, for the I AM to reveal who I am. What a revelation to have from the Creator calling you to create, the Author calling you to write, the Lover calling you to love. As a child of the Most High, it only makes sense that I inherit His traits - traits that lead me into my destiny with plans that give hope and a future.
My name is Ayana, and I am the author of How I Fell in Love with Myself. While the book has an ending, the story actually never ends. Every single day, there is a step I need to take to fall in love with myself, to become more secure in my identity and more confident in every move I make. For me, this is only made possible by submitting to The One who made me. I know from experience that I cannot possibly like myself if I separate from my Creator. And, looking back now, I don't know why I would ever want to separate from Him in the first place. The Man speaks light into existence, defeats lifelong illnesses with a single word, paints the sky every morning and night, and brings life back to dead bodies. No one else can do that. So, with a God like that calling me His daughter, how irrational would it be to ever doubt what I can do. Furthermore, if God is that great, then what does that say about me?
Am I not a temple of the Holy Spirit? Am I not a House of Prayer? Don't I shower in His inexplicable great love and dress with the Armor of God? I may have ink on my unclean hands, but my Father can make it beautiful, putting the ink to use and calling me "author". Therefore, I am a poem waiting to happen. When my heart turns to ice, I write until it’s ice cream.
With God as my Father and Christ in my heart, I have enough strength to do anything. Colliding my small idea and little faith with the Creator of heaven and earth, I am expected to expect miracles, excepted to dream and do big things - things that I can't do on my own, things that I am way too unqualified for.
It only makes sense.
It makes sense that when the idea doesn't go my way, I can take it to The Way - Yahweh. It makes sense for my anxiety and depression to bow down to Joy Himself.
No wonder why I am more than a conqueror. No wonder why I feel safe in His presence. No wonder why I have a front row seat to all of God's promises and provision, faithfulness and support. I am a child of the King, and like my father, I am royalty. I am beautiful. And I am called to do what a princess does - to love Him, to love others, to love every day the Lord has made, and to love myself.
So, I've already won the battles that come along with taking leaps of faith. All I have to do now is fight. And I will fight, I will be confident, and like my father, I will overcome.