Updated: Aug 30, 2019
Being in love right now is in. Therefore, the love experts are out.
They're swirling around Twitter with threads on "how to keep your man happy". They're captioning their pictures with rap lyrics on Instagram, lyrics that suggest how you should act in your relationship. They're posting it on Snapchat, what they won't do in their next relationship and what you shouldn't do in yours. They've picked up on the hottest trend of being in love and put a label on you if you're single.
Just about everyone on social media has an agenda to be in a relationship. While you may think you know what I'm going to write next—"but I'm not like this generation" or "what a shame that all anyone every wants is a relationship"—you're wrong. The truth is, I get it. Who doesn't want to be in a relationship? There's nothing wrong with wanting to be loved and in love.
However, I've seen this desire to be loved on social media more than ever before, so much so that I feel highly compelled to write about it. Yet, it is everything in me that's telling me to do the exact opposite: not write about it.
And, you know why?
Because I'm single.
Not too much to write about romantic relationships if I'm not in one now, right?
Which is why I won't become yet another love expert in today's post. I won't tell you to "be patient" or give you a friendly reminder that "you may not be ready yet" or hit you with the cliche of "God had to work on Adam before he could meet Eve", even while all of these things are true. Today, however, I am writing this to you to do exactly that—write to you. To share with you the pain of knowing that he doesn't look your way anymore, the harsh reality of knowing that she likes your friend more, the way your heart dips in your chest when you didn't get the text you wanted, the defeating feeling of your current relationship status, a status our generation absolutely despises: single.
It's becoming clear to me that the best thing a girl could have today is a boyfriend, or for a boy—a girlfriend. And, if you're honest with yourself, you may actually believe that. At least I did at one point. When I was a little girl, I was obsessed with the idea of having a boyfriend. You have to understand that I grew up watching High School Musical. If you're familiar with the trilogy, each character at one point out of the three movies was eventually paired up with a boyfriend or girlfriend. This enthralled me until no end. Not only did it fascinate me, but deceived me. I thought that was exactly what high school was about. Finding someone. Being in a relationship. Therefore, all throughout growing up, I anticipated the first day of my freshman year. Just as it played out in the movies, I was sure to find someone to be with.
...Let's just say I am a high school graduate and am very, rudely awakened.
I will admit that I wasn't thinking too much about relationships the first two years of high school. It's when I got older when I remembered what I was waiting so long for when I began to see everyone around me getting boo'd up.
Despite the bitterness that exists so heavily in our society, I was happy for my friends. Even now, I celebrate with them. (The truth is: you need to check your heart if you aren't celebrating with your friends.) Yet, every day comes to an end, and when it does, so do the small, quiet, and shy thoughts that you've been trying to train yourself not to think that whisper curiously in your ear, "Why aren't YOU in a relationship yet?"
Perhaps you can relate.
I'm talking to the single people who feel like they've been ready to date for a while, but are still waiting for a text back, single people who thought that by this point in their life they thought they'd have someone already. I'm writing to the single people who have a job, good morals, who are purpose-driven with a good head on their shoulders wondering who they're going to be able to give their love away to and when someone will love them back.
I get it. Truly, I do.
I can't speak for everyone, but for me, I recognize that I can't spare too much time sitting around wondering who I'm going to love and who is going to love me. I'm almost eighteen. I have my whole life ahead of me. Being in a relationship right now isn't exactly a priority. Yet, social media has a way of suggesting that it is. I don't let it taunt me anymore. It just makes my desire to be in a relationship even stronger, a desire that is totally and completely natural.
It's a desire that every human being has—whether we conceal it or not. It's a desire that can be fulfilled spiritually if we let God in, but I understand how someone would want it fulfilled romantically too. And, that's okay, which is why it may tug you a bit when you've planned the most impressive outfit and they still don't look your way. That's why it hurts when they don't text back, when they leave you on read. However, it's also the reason why it's so easy to turn every social media account into a chase just for that one specific girl or boy. We tweet things right after they do so they know we're on the app. We post things on Snapchat at a time that ensures their view. Our desire to be loved can become so strong that it can pervert us into some sort of project. We don't act like ourselves anymore; we become the person that gets their attention. It's a dangerous cycle, a cycle I can admit to being in. It's a cycle that doesn't suggest you're a bad person. It just means you're losing control of your desire to be noticed.
I promised not to advise anything in this post, so I won't. Instead, I'll share with you what I've been learning as a single young adult. Yes, it's tempting to commit to the first guy who notices you or the first girl who texts you back. It's easy to think they're your only chance to a relationship. But, when I really think about it, relationships are more than what they look like. Relationships can have a huge impact on your emotions, which is why I've lost interest in giving my heart to just anybody. A really good friend of mine told me, "Do not throw your pearls to pigs." While marriage is far from my mind right now, I do want a relationship that lasts. I want a relationship that I can tell generations after me about, and I can't do that if I settle. I want a relationship that helps me grow, but I can't do that if I don't learn in my singleness. I don't know about you, but I don't want to glorify a relationship to the point where I can't enjoy my youth anymore. True love is worth waiting for, so therefore, I will wait.