Updated: Aug 30, 2019
Last week, I asked myself a silly question.
"Can I ever dream as big as I did at eight years old?"
This week, I'm expounding on the answer:
It's called child-like faith—a faith where you can't be logical. It's a faith that doesn't filter dreams through limitations and excuses—a faith that doesn't understand the word "impossible".
Child-like. A bit unrealistic. Like asking a child what they want to be when they're older, and they answer a "princess" or a "dinosaur". And, they won't let you argue with them. They are determined to be what they said they will be. Interesting how their answer is never a 9-5 job, a $40,000-year salary, or working part-time here and maybe a little part-time there.
Because even kids know they're capable of dreaming higher, crazier. They have enough faith to do it. It's child-like—unrealistic, yet possible goals all in one. It's a faith Christ Himself told us to have, a faith I am declaring to live by from here on out.
Don't get me wrong. I've always tried to maintain a faith as crazy as my eight-year-old self. But, growing up has caused that faith to waver greatly and often. It increasingly wears away the more I encounter setbacks and makes me live and go about each day in a more tedious, practical way. But, I've got to be honest with you.
I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of talking myself into it only to not follow through. I'm tired of the "one day's" and "only if's" and "I'll just start tomorrow's". I have no more excuses left in me, which is why I've decided to come up with the craziest, most seemingly impossible dream I can muster, and then doubled it.
Here's what it is:
I am going to be a multi-millionaire.
Actually, scratch that. (Shame on me for dreaming so little.)
I will be a multi-billionaire.
Yikes! I'm so used to having small faith I'm too afraid to type trillionaire!
How will I get there?
Well, the first thing I'm giving up is my pride. Then, I'll give up my comfort, my time, my sleep (ouch! That's going to be tough.), and all of my worries. But, other than that, I'm not giving up. Even if I am sick of everyone and everything. Even if I have to endure the worst. Even if I do contemplate quitting. I know what I'm signing up for, but I'm ready. I can handle it.
From now on, mark my words, I am working to be the woman I've always wanted to be. I'm going to say yes more often, but not as much as I will say no. I am building the life I want to live. No more playing games. No more distractions. No more losing sleep on who likes me and who doesn't.
I'm building the life I want to live.
Even if I read this tomorrow night suddenly uncertain about my boldness. Even if the promise doesn't look like the process. Even if I'm the only one who believes I can do it. I'm done trying to impress, done putting up with things I was never meant to deal with, done being a TV version of myself. I simply refuse to think as small as I have been recently. I am chasing after my dream, whether I like it, you like it, or not. Enough is enough. I'm tired of waiting. I'm partnering with God, and I'm doing this thing.
How am I so sure this is possible?
Because I no longer care about being enough. I don't care about being pretty enough or polished enough, having enough or knowing enough. Instead, I let God's grace be enough. That's the point I've been missing this entire time. I look forward to spending eternity in heaven, but until then, I am bringing down heaven here on earth. I am going to serve God, my family, friends, and strangers. I'm going to be kind, and I'm going to love myself. I will stand up for myself—be myself. I'm going to travel and explore. There won't be a spot on the earth where my novels won't be talked about. I'm going to write songs and produce movies. I am going to make the name of Jesus famous. I will surround myself with friends who dream with me, who let me cry as hard as I want to and laugh as obnoxiously as I already do, who check on me and pray for me—friends who want the best for me. No more settling. I am a fighter, and I will do what I've been called to do.
I pulled five all-nighters this week thinking about this declaration. I will win souls for Christ. I will be the world's most influential writer. I will be a trillionaire. I will live the life that Christ died for me. I am going to the top, and I'm not changing my mind.
Hold me to this, would you?